Do you ever doubt yourself as a parent? Anxiety, doubt, self-consciousness are common feelings that I hear when working with parents raising children in multiracial families and more often white parents. They desire for their child to grow up proud of who they are and want them be resourceful, resilient, and strong in navigating a challenging and racist world. But underneath is often this nagging thought that they aren’t equipped, prepared, qualified as a parent to make that happen. As a parent it’s normal to sometimes question if you are doing something right. But it seems that in multiracial families, parents often white parents, question at their core if they good enough to raise their multiracial and/or child of color. So for those of you who sometimes second guess yourselves, struggle with doubt, or need reassurance, I am here to tell you, YES!
You are enough! You are exactly what your child needs!!
Your love for your child is where you get the motivation to continue to learn, grow, and adapt as a parent to meet your child’s needs as they change and as the world changes around us. It’s true you may have more to learn, you may have more of your own stuff to work through, you may need to strengthen your community, connect with people, and access more resources. But your ability to do that comes from the deep love you have for you child and the hopes and dreams you have for their future. This is what being enough looks like. You may need to learn more about the cultures that make up your child’s background. You may need to learn more about how to talk about race and racism in your family. You may need to participate more in challenging injustice in your community. But your desire to be what your child needs is enough to push you and guide to take steps forward and continue to be what they need. This is what being enough looks like. Often we may get caught up in our own identity process which causes all types of feelings. We may have different aspects of ourselves we have to sort out, explore challenging and hard feelings that come up, and really work through our own stuff. But working on ourselves to be the best parents that we can be is what makes us enough right now. Here’s how I know that you are enough. As parent you are willing to learn, grow, and adapt to meet your child’s needs. As a parent you are willing to help your child navigate challenges even if you are learning alongside them. As a parent you will humble yourself and reach out to others to make the connections that your child needs. As a parent you dream of a better world for the next generation and will do whatever you can to help your child live in that world. So stop wondering if you are enough, if you will be enough, or if you are what your child needs and just know that you are. You are exactly what your child needs.
Looking for support? Here are a few ways we can help:
Are you feeling challenged as a parent of a multiracial family?
Schedule a parenting support call to discuss how we can help. On the call, we will talk about what’s coming for you, what you are stuck on, and what’s going on for you and your family. We will also explore your hopes and desires for your family and talk about what could be helpful to improve the challenge and get you unstuck.
Join the community
Looking for a supportive community of like minded parents? Join the Multiracial Parenting Network.
THRIVE Parent Coaching Program
It’s really important that we as parents take a holistic approach when addressing these issues. We have to look at how we are being affected, the impact that us being affected can have on our kids, and how are kids are being affected.
Doing our inner work first makes a difference in the way we connect with our kids as well as influencing the way we think and talk to them about identity. By taking time for self-reflection as parents, we are able to move closer to creating the life we want for our kids.
In order for us to help our children feel confident in their identity we need to understand and be comfortable in ours. Here are some thoughts for us to consider…