Being in an interfaith and multicultural relationship is a learning process of how to bring different backgrounds to one union and a united family. No one likes to talk about how they messed up but yet that is what I’m pushing myself to share with you. These same mistakes I made early on in my relationship seem to be common for many other couples too. Relationship mistakes suck because someone usually ends up feeling hurt, ignored, or angry. So I hope that by sharing some of my mistakes with you, you can avoid making those same mistakes.
Here’s what I did wrong early on in my interfaith and multicultural relationship:
- I would get extremely frustrated with my partner every time we would get stuck having the same conversation over and over. This would happen if I was talking to my partner and he didn’t see my point of view or why a certain issue was big deal for me. We would end up having the same frustrating conversation again and again. At the time, we failed to recognize the negative pattern of communication that was happening. We both have very different communication styles and did not know how use that to our advantage. By looking at our pattern of communication and taking it apart, we are able to stop that negative cycle of communication and actually move forward to understanding each other’s viewpoints.
- I would get angry at my partner for practices or beliefs that I disagreed with related to his religion. Many of the things that made me angry were things that he didn’t even believe in, understand, or care about but yet I found myself expecting him to explain it or change it. Many of these had historical and cultural implications. But either way I was being hard on him for something out of his control and his understanding. Learning more about his personal beliefs, family practices, religion, and various religious and progressive communities helped me to look at the bigger picture, understand better, and stop sabotaging a great relationship.
- I would get upset and stressed out when we couldn’t immediately agree on how we would raise kids together. Despite my professional therapy training, when it came to my own relationship I seemed to forget that having those conversations are a process and that I shouldn’t have expected an immediate solution. I struggled to be in an in between space of not having some kind of specific answer that I was looking for. It changed when we acknowledged that it’s a process and reached out for help from a professional who had experience working with couples like us. We were able to then have a guide and focus to help us with some of the challenges in those conversations.
Can you relate? What kind of mistakes have you made? Which mistakes are you hoping to avoid? It’s not easy talking about mistakes or being vulnerable in a way that can help us avoid them moving forward. But it can definitely make a difference if you are stuck in a hard place in your relationship. Acknowledge mistakes that have happened, ask forgiveness, be easy on yourself as a relationship is a learning process, and be conscious to prevent it from happening again.
To moving forward,
P.S. Are you uncertain or worried about the future of your relationship? Is it “on the fence” or has it been a rocky few months? Are you being pressure to convert or raise kids a certain way? Don’t keep feeling like that when you don’t have to. I would love for you to participate in my online workshop at the end of the month where I will show you how to transform your relationship from rocky and unsure to happy and long lasting (even though you and your partner may have different religions, cultures, or backgrounds). If you want to join the workshop, send an email to Rorri@upowerchange.com with the word WORKSHOP to this email and I’ll be in touch.
P.P.S Looking for relationship or family advice? Sign up to get our newsletter and join the U Power Change Facebook community Get tips and advice right to your inbox and join a supportive community of interfaith and multicultural couples and families that can relate to what you are going through.